I NEVER LIKED THE LIMBO GAME ANYWAYS

So last time I looked at the clock it was July. Today I found out it was mid October and I did a mini sick. Doesn't time fly when you have no job, no money and no structure to the day? I mean a job-hunt is a job in itself, don't get me wrong. But I'm not getting paid so I'm really thinking of quitting and finding a new job (boom boom).


I think the most I've had in the form of structure for the past four months is making sure I'm up and have had breakfast before Frasier comes on. And it is this structure (or lack of), that has completely wobbled me. I feel like a fish out of water. I think ever since I was four I knew what I was doing, I knew where I was going to be each day, for the next 17 years of my life. And I've been really hard on myself for how badly I've been dealing with the lack of routine in my life, but this has followed SEVENTEEN LONG YEARS OF RITUAL. I mean surely that can't be easy for anyone to adjust to, right?

I've tried to get myself into a routine. I've tried running around a park until my knee started clicking out of joint and I felt like my 79-year old nana. I have said to myself that this time of unemployment - the limbo between leaving uni and starting real life - would be a time for me to reinvent myself and do more things. And I have tried more stuff, found new hobbies, but that's just not enough. I need to be settled.

I'm the kinda gal who ends up at the train station TWO HOURS before her train arrives just to be sure. Not having a plan, or having something pre-prepared for after leaving uni, has been the weirdest most uncomfortable  thing for me to get my head around. I've sort of felt like I'm sitting on a beach on a cold day in nothing but a damp swimsuit and I have sand in awkward places and all I want to do is get up and leave and get changed but I can't. I feel irritated and tetchy.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a happy bunny really. I've got Benj, some exceedingly good friends and a wonderfully supportive family helping me through. I'm extremely lucky to have a roof over my head, money for food and a dark sense of humour. There are billions of people in a worse position than I am, and I know these first-world probs will be overcome soon enough.

I am constantly told how fine everything will be. And how good things come to those that wait. How the world is my oyster. And I believe it all. I know you have to go out there and get what you want from life but you have to wait for the right opportunities, the right moments.

And if there is anything I have learned from this ENTIRE experience, it's that dwelling on an email you didn't send at the beginning of June is NOT conducive to progression; NOT worth the time and the anxiety and NOT, most of all, HEALTHY. You make mistakes and you learn from them, end of.

Today I was walking around the glorious haven that is the MAC shop, and I read a quote on the wall.

It said: "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

I know in context it probably means "YOU CAN WEAR THAT DARKER LIP SHADE HUN, YOU GOT DIS", but boy can it apply to absolutely everything.

So thank you MAC, for the amazing lipstick and the sheer words of wisdom.

Trust me to find solace in a make-up shop.