AMSTERGRAN 2014

"I've always fancied Amsterdam you know," I declared to Nana Sylv as we sat in front of the TV, cup of tea in hand watching the holiday channels. "It just has something about it. I wouldn't go for all the funny business, but it just looks beautiful."

Nana Sylv. She's 77 and a quarter Dutch and don't we all know about it. Her granddad migrated over from Holland back in the day because apparently *something* had happened, and he wasn't actually welcome back into the country... oops. But since learning this in her young years, Sylv had become fascinated by the place. She couldn't get enough. And fair do's to her, it is a BEAUTIFUL place with quaint traditions, breathtaking lakes and canals everywhere and really friendly, handsome blond(e) people.

"Well you know, Ash," she said, her eyes lighting up at the thought, "I would love to go, one last time. Would you come with me? Aunty Wendy is a pain in the arse to travel with and Jean scoots off and leaves me everywhere... I don't have anyone else." 

My heart broke at the thought. Nana Sylv is very partial to a coach trip, and so are many other old people. "I can't turn her down..." I thought, "AND there's a holiday in it for me? What's the worst that could happen? It's probably a passing comment and she doesn't mean it, will all be forgotten by tomorrow." Sylv can see I am hesitant to respond and under the pressure I cracked. 

"Yeah nan, sure, I'll go with you."

But it was just a passing comment, surely? I mean she has been the past two years running. And as much as she loves the coach she does get antsy on long trips. Maybe she had no intention of actually going?

SQUINTY IN ANTWERP

Nope. It was the 2nd of January 2014. I sat in the front room with no idea about my future fate. Sylv burst in through the door... "IT'S BOOKED. YOU, ME, AMSTERDAM, 4th OF AUGUST." My face, stunned into a concreted vision of worry, panic and gratitude. A mixed bag of emotions really, I mean I get to go to Amsterdam and I can't wait. I'm going on holiday with my nan and... well... I'm 20 and going on holiday with my nan. Not that there is anything wrong with Sylv and to be honest we are rather close. I've lived with her for a while and I had no other plans. So there was no backing down. 

Fast forward eight months, I'm packed and ready to go, waiting at the  bus stop at 7am with Sylv and her MASSIVE suitcase. We were only going for four days but in the event of ANYTHING Sylv was prepared. The coach trip to Dover was a bit of a blur – it was all too early to comprehend what was happening. We had a cute cup of tea and sailed on through into France. Then into Belgium... I'll be honest it all looked like England to me but then I was on a motorway the entire time. We stopped off at a strange and eerie service station in Antwerp which felt like it could have been the set to some sort of horror film. 

We've been hurtling through in a big ol' coach for 10 hours, until we finally arrived in Monnickendam, a tiny little fishing village about 15 minutes from Amsterdam. The hotel was somewhat traditionally Dutch. Very beige and brown and rather seventies. But it was clean and the staff were wonderful so all was well. They even gave me a complimentary bum-bag (or fanny-pack if you're from the US). It's one that I definitely enjoyed wearing the entire trip. I definitely did not give it to Ben as a joke souvenir when I got home.

Monnickendam, NL

Going for a walk through the village I am taken aback by its sheer beauty. Each little building has its on unique style and grace. I felt as though I'd stepped back in time to this magnificent wonderland of quaint houses and cobbled streets. Bike bells ringing and cyclists whizzing by. There was an understated beauty about the place. The water, calm and serene, glistened in the evening sun. Sylv and I spent hours sitting on a bench by the lake taking it all in. It was nice because according to nan my granddad loved it there and they used to go there together all the time and sit on the bench. I think she was a little bit emotional about it but she said it was so lovely to be back. I think Holland feels like home to her. 

We went for some dinner and I'll be honest it wasn't really haute cuisine but Sylv has very plain tastes. One of those that goes abroad to eat a roast. We ate each night in the Monnickendam version of a kebab shop, so chips, chips and more chips. The Netherlands has a whole range of East Asian, Malaysian and Indonesian flavours that influence its food so when I go back I'll be sure to give it a go. We strolled back to the hotel and had an early night, the day of sitting on a coach doing nothing was rather intense and it was an early start for Amsterdam.

Breakfast. A buffet of meat, cheese and cake. I couldn't quite believe it but it was rather good! We were up and out by 8am (7am British time) ready to hit Amsterdam. The coach driver over the mic would drop hints about the red light district and gave us interesting facts about Dutch prostitutes. Sylv pursed her lips, I think she'd had enough of that! After about an hour of getting lost around Amsterdam in a MASSIVE coach, driving places where you DEFINITELY CANNOT drive and breaking the law, we arrived outside the Heineken brewery ready to step on to a very touristy canal boat. It was great though, the best way to see Amsterdam is by bike or boat. Everything about the place was stunning! So clean and the boat houses were incredible, I wouldn't mind living in one. We glided around Amsterdam taking it all in. It really has something special about it, the buildings all ornate in their own peculiar way. 

Amsterdam, NL.

After our canal tour, we stopped at the Gassan diamond headquarters and learned all about diamonds and the way they are cut. All very sparkly and educational. Felt like a fish out of water though, I definitely do not belong in a place like that and the woman taking us on a tour definitely agreed from the looks she gave! She showed us all something the size of a petit pois that cost 23,000 Euros, I couldn't work out if I was impressed or disgusted! Sylv had NO TIME FOR THAT, tutted and left. So that was that and we were free to do what wanted in the capital city.

When in Amsterdam...

So nan took me to C&A and had had enough. We sat by the river near Central Station, drinking beer and watching the world go by. I suppose I was a little disappointed that we didn't do a lot else, but I was with my nan. I forget she's old by the way she talks! So it was nice. We were trying to scope out the available Dutch men that we could introduce to my sister. She definitely enjoyed herself.

"SOOOO did anyone go to the Red Light District?" Asked the coach driver on our arrival back. My nan, by this point, had had ENOUGH of him harping on.

"I think you're the only one that goes there..." she heckled.

The driver, red in the face, denied that he ever steps foot into the district. My nan looked at him disapprovingly and I sat in fear that we'd lose our ride home.

Hotel. Dutch kebab shop. Sleep. Early start. Cake, meat and cheese breakfast...